


And They're Off

by terma_archivist



Category: The X-Files
Genre: Deliberate Badfic, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 1999-09-01
Updated: 1999-09-01
Packaged: 2021-03-07 17:20:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,559
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26501275
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/terma_archivist/pseuds/terma_archivist
Summary: Note from alicettlg, the archivist: this story was originally archived atTER/MAand was moved to the AO3 as part of the Open Doors project in 2019. I tried to reach out to all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are the creator and would like to claim this work, please contact me using the e-mail address onthe TER/MA collection profile.TER/MA September 1999 Challenge. It is time to have some fun.  This is one everybody is capable of doing, I think.  Even the best writers among us.  *g* So, we all read a lot of slash, right?  And we have all run across stories or mistakes so bad, we groan in misery and wonder what the hell the writer was thinking.  We all have little terms and pet peeves we hate to see in stories. Well this month's challenge is to write badfic.  I want to see stories that make me laugh they are so dreadful.  I want weeping manpoles, pendulous nutbags, winking puckered starfish of love, glistening bosoms...wait—that is the wrong genre.  If you mean you're, I want your.  Two,to and too can come and go at will.  Go find the worst mistakes you can , and write a story which includes them.  Whatever you do, DONT beta.  Write it at 5 in the morning after drinking 5 cups of expresso and not sleeping for 48 hours.  Or write it after having 18 shots of tequilla (or the poison of your choice). Whatever doesn't work for you.  Make it so dreadful, you can't read it without hanging your head in mock shame. And above all, have fun with it... --- OK, word of warning here.  These are really dreadful.  All are NC-17 for really bad taste.  If you looking for a good read, go elsewhere.WARNING: READING THIS BAD FIC SOBER MAY CAUSE HEADACHE. PLEASE PROCEDE WITH CAUTION. (Rowanne, archiveable, if you dare. HEHEhehe) E-MAIL ADRESS:  (P.S. Feedback feeds the beast) SPOILER WARNING: Yeah, right. It's a bad fic. RATING Etc.: NC-17 Mulder/Krycek Sex. COMMENTS: This is an answer to a bad fic challenge. Does not fit in with any other stories. Also I just started some really happy, happy pills. ""Blame it on the pills, pills, pills, oh yeah."" DISCLAIMER: X-Files belongs to Chris Carter and Co. I just use them. Other characters are mine.
Relationships: Alex Krycek/Fox Mulder
Collections: TER/MA





	And They're Off

**Author's Note:**

> Note from alicettlg, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [TER/MA](https://fanlore.org/wiki/TER/MA) and was moved to the AO3 as part of the Open Doors project in 2019. I tried to reach out to all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are the creator and would like to claim this work, please contact me using the e-mail address on [the TER/MA collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/terma/profile).  
> TER/MA September 1999 Challenge. It is time to have some fun. This is one everybody is capable of doing, I think. Even the best writers among us. *g* So, we all read a lot of slash, right? And we have all run across stories or mistakes so bad, we groan in misery and wonder what the hell the writer was thinking. We all have little terms and pet peeves we hate to see in stories. Well this month's challenge is to write badfic. I want to see stories that make me laugh they are so dreadful. I want weeping manpoles, pendulous nutbags, winking puckered starfish of love, glistening bosoms...wait—that is the wrong genre. If you mean you're, I want your. Two,to and too can come and go at will. Go find the worst mistakes you can , and write a story which includes them. Whatever you do, DONT beta. Write it at 5 in the morning after drinking 5 cups of expresso and not sleeping for 48 hours. Or write it after having 18 shots of tequilla (or the poison of your choice). Whatever doesn't work for you. Make it so dreadful, you can't read it without hanging your head in mock shame. And above all, have fun with it... --- OK, word of warning here. These are really dreadful. All are NC-17 for really bad taste. If you looking for a good read, go elsewhere.   
> WARNING: READING THIS BAD FIC SOBER MAY CAUSE HEADACHE. PLEASE PROCEDE WITH CAUTION. (Rowanne, archiveable, if you dare. HEHEhehe) E-MAIL ADRESS: (P.S. Feedback feeds the beast) SPOILER WARNING: Yeah, right. It's a bad fic. RATING Etc.: NC-17 Mulder/Krycek Sex. COMMENTS: This is an answer to a bad fic challenge. Does not fit in with any other stories. Also I just started some really happy, happy pills. ""Blame it on the pills, pills, pills, oh yeah."" DISCLAIMER: X-Files belongs to Chris Carter and Co. I just use them. Other characters are mine.

  
**And They're Off  
by StarWindDancer**

  
Mulder met Krycek. Krycek fell in love with Mulder. Things happened. Mulder falls in love with Krycek eventually. They have sex. This is how it happened. 

Mulder found the rat-bastered that he had been chasing for years naked on his couch, wearing nothing but a smile but surrounded by lot and lots of packets of condoms which Mulder noted and said, "Are they their for show, Krycek, you rat-bastered, or are they for some use?" but Mulder was already taking his clothes off so he could feel the hot, naked, desirable flesh against his own quivering flesh, wanting to make a connection that was deep and probing like the alien probe in "South Park" where Cartman had been abducted by aliens similar to how Mulder had been abducted by aliens though he did not think he'd ever been given an anal probe but the ready Krycek in front of him was about to receive a foreign object which was his own brand of anal probe, quite a large on too that would go deep, long, and hard into the younger man who was lying on the couch already playing with a similar anal probe that was not as impressive as Mulder's anal probe but would probably feel as good if put to proper use but Mulder wanted to go first so he launched himself at Krycek who put up a mock struggle, trying to gain control of the situation which Mulder had no intention of giving him because he was really hot and bothered and ready for the anal probing of his own which Krycek seemed to be receptive of because he was suddenly in Mulder's lap trying his best to suck Mulder's tonsils out his throat and into him and Mulder had to admit while Krycek's anal probe was not as impressive as Mulder's anal probe the tongue probing Krycek gave Mulder was just as satisfactory and rewarding as the anal probe because it was very flexible and strong and seemed to reach into the recessed corners of his mouth like some sort of giant slug searching for a nice, warm spot to sleep in but Krycek's tongue was not interested in sleep but rather in the exploration of Mulder's farthest reaches of his mouth, trying to find what would make the older man groan deep in his throat in a silent signal that he wanted to fuck right now and forgo all the hanky panky which Krycek was willing to get to the down and dirty because all of a sudden Mulder was on top of Krycek instead of the other way around, pinning both arms down to the couch so he could do some exploring of his own of the wonderful young body squirming under him like a greased up pig that really wanted to have that anal probe right now which Mulder quickly prepared him for by slicking his fingers up with nearby lube that just appeared because Krycek had only brought the condoms and not lube because the condoms are prelubricated and ready for use and Krycek wanted sex as soon as possible which Mulder was willing to give him because his two fingers were already deep inside Krycek pressing into the soft spot that made the young man whimper in hedonistic pleasure which made Mulder's anal probe even harder and longer, if that were at all possible, which was leaking out fluid to trace patterns against Krycek's pale, quivering flesh as he was prepared for the anal probe which was getting quite insistent to be pressed past the ring of muscle and into the tight, warm heat of Krycek who was fumbling foolishly with the condoms, trying to get them open with his one hand but couldn't quite manage it because they were holding onto Mulder's silky skin that looked so good wet with skimpy little red Speedo's such as the one before Scully got kidnapped which brought unpleasant memories of aliens which were pushed to the farthest reaches of his mind as Mulder rolled a condom onto himself and threw Krycek's legs over his shoulder as he positioned his anal probe against the slicked up opening which had been properly prepared and loosened for a night of hot, dirty sex which Mulder was more then ready and impatient for because he slammed immediately into Krycek in one long, hard thrust that buried Mulder into the hilt as his balls slapped against Krycek's very finely squeezibly soft Charmin butt that Mulder had admired since he first met Krycek standing at his desk with his hand out like an idiot sidekick he was until Krycek betrayed both Mulder and Scully and started working for the dark side which was not as dark as Mulder originally thought because the Cancerman and the rest of the consortium, including Bill Mulder, who Fox Mulder once thought Krycek had killed but was so high on drugs at the time that he couldn't tell if his mother was Tammy Fee Baker or Cindy Crawford which would have been cool to have a mother who was Cindy Crawford but would put another wrench into his already mixed up psychosis world created by an alien conspiracy that he seemed to be the only one on the out side but he did have a contact on the inside which he was inside right now making him scream as the anal probe hit spots in an age old rhythm of lovers wrapped tightly around each other having sex as passionately as Krycek and Mulder were having right now as they gazed deep into green and hazel eyes laced with passionate lust that had been kept secret for a long time but Krycek had told Mulder in a round about way by kissing him when Mulder needed to go rescue an alien rebel solder because Krycek couldn't rescue him because his life would have been over if he had so he had sent Mulder off to do the dirty work he himself could not do but felt remorse and needed to make it up to the older man by having some really down and dirty sex which they were having right now which was so passionate that Krycek was screaming at the top of his lungs, mindless of the neighbors who were used to strange things such as mysterious men writing initials in their own blood to leave Mulder a message of where to go next which led the two of them into deep trouble but it was all being put behind them as Mulder grabbed Krycek's erection to pump furiously in time with his thrusts which were becoming quite erratic as orgasm approached like a trail of ants following honey all over his skin by climbing up his legs and over his back and down his front to his anal probe buried deep within Krycek at the moment covered by a condom that really didn't diminish the pleasure at all because he was growling his approval deep into Krycek's throat as he tried to explore Krycek's mouth with his own sleepy slug which turned the young man on even more because he was suddenly coming all over Mulder's hand and torso as his internal muscles squeezed Mulder's anal probe so tightly that Mulder's body had no choice but to show his now young lover how much he desired him by marking him in a primal way by coming deeply into his flesh which was still warm and tight underneigth him though he had been slamming into Krycek pretty hard but Krycek made no protest at all and reattached his mouth to Mulder's to try and suck his tonsils out again which Mulder was very agreeable to because it felt so good and knew it would soon lead to more hanky panky as soon as their anal probes reloaded which wouldn't be long now because the slash writer was really horny because her husband's on vacation and she hadn't gotten any in a while and lived vicariously through her characters who were wrapped up together on the couch licking lightly whatever skin they could reach to keep the passion up but they were to tired to keep their eyes open for long, a result of the fact that the slash writer was tiring quickly of writing one long sentence, but before the two lovers could fall asleep they said, "I love you," to seal their new relationship which may or may not have a continuing story because the slash writer is very sleepy herself from the pills and concluded that Mulder should be wrapped around Krycek, holding him close so they could hear each other's heart beat as they fell asleep ready to face the world another day. 

And they lived happily ever after... 

* * *

WARNING: READING THIS BAD FIC SOBER MAY CAUSE HEADACHE. PLEASE PROCEDE WITH CAUTION.   
(Rowanne, archiveable, if you dare. HEHEhehe)   
E-MAIL ADRESS: [email removed] (P.S. Feedback feeds the beast)   
SPOILER WARNING: Yeah, right. It's a bad fic.   
RATING Etc.: NC-17 Mulder/Krycek Sex.   
COMMENTS: This is an answer to a bad fic challenge. Does not fit in with any other stories. Also I just started some really happy, happy pills. "Blame it on the pills, pills, pills, oh yeah."   
DISCLAIMER: X-Files belongs to Chris Carter and Co. I just use them. Other characters are mine.   
---


End file.
